Creepy

Haha
I feel like such a creepy stalker weirdo
for putting that pic of Joe up. lol
everytime I see it, i cover my eyes in embarrassment
I feel like such A CREEPERR!!
haha
anyways... I'm so excited
only 3 days of school left!
2 of which are half days!
I've finished my final exams for American History, Science, and English.
Tomorrow I'll finish Sewing/cooking and Spanish
And Idk if I'll finish Drafting or Math.. =T
But yeah. All we're doing in English and A.H. is signing yearbooks and watching movies!
And apparently I got an A on my a.h. final cuz my grade went from a B+ to an A- .. yay
Oooh!
DRAMA ALERT!
Kay, so there's this HUGE BITCH nina. she's a fat, ugly, retard and friends with other fat, ugly retarded people. every1 in the school hates them. such FAGS.
anyways, I saw nina passing around a pink slip of paper to some of her friends in 7th hour.
And then, after 7th hour Cora comes up to me with a .. Pink Slip of Paper. Curious?
She's like "look what nina gave me"
I look at it. and OH eM GeE!!
It says
"Trolls (cora) shouldn't be allowed in the library!"
and then its got 4 pictures of trolls.
And then it says "Wannabe Emo"

I know, right? So I take the slip of paper and me and Cora march up to mr. bennett (VP) and we show him the note.
It was the end of the day though, so he said he'd address her about it tomorrow.
I kno ur prolly thinkin "Oh, ur a taddle-tale"
Now, normally I wouldn't ever tell on anybody. Even if they punched me
cuz i dont like authorities.
BUT she told on me first.
About a month ago.
Got me suspended. So it only seemed fair.
Plus, my other option would be to punch the snot out of her and well... she'd tell.
And get me in trouble.
Plus its the end of the year, I dont wanna miss it. Signing YEARBOOKS! =D And final Exams.
Welp, this is turning out to be longer than I thought it would... hmhm.
Till next time, cya!

Yearbooks and new hope :)

Today in school, we got yearbooks. It was pretty awesome.

Only, there's 3 pix of me in there. 2 of which, i HATE!

not to mention, i don't like my school pic.

In one of the pix, im at the 8th grade dance and i look like a drunk fat loser.

and in the other one, it was halloween, i literally put a costume together that morning.

and it looked like shit.

The pictures are in this blog.

also there's my school picture with my twin sister on the left, catie, who i talk so much about, cora, who i talk about.. =T and SURPRISE! there's a picture of Joe. Granted, his hair's longer now.. idk if u think he's gorgeous, but I do.!

Anyways.... I think Joe might like me.. ?

Here's my reasoning:

For the longest time i thought i was just assuming it cuase i liked him.. but then i realized, way back in the start of the 2nd semester, i didn't like him. But i still thought he liked me back then... so i couldnt have imagined it cuz i didnt like him.

And also, there's no way somebody who duznt like me would look at me THAT MUCH.

and finally, today i went over to my friend Christina D's desk and she sits right behind joe and i not only had to pass Joe in the isle, but we were like 3 inches away from touching chests. There's more! I saw him look down at my yearbook and he just kinda stared at it for a while.. and by a while i mean like a full minute straight. And then when Christina was signing it, he actually turned around in his seat to look at it. Then he looked up at me and he saw me staring at him and he immediately blushed and turned away. I know it doesnt sound like much, but you had to be there. I want to sign his yearbook. I would totally put my phone number in it!

So I have new hope that Joe likes me. With only 4 days left of school... Greaaat.

Oohh and also i was watching the MTV movie awards last night.

TWILIGHT WON LIKE EVERYTHING!!

i was sooo excited! I even texted my vote for twilight to win best movie. :D

Anyways, till next time, cya!

Surprise

I learned something interesting today. You've probably heard me mention my friend Ian... I used to like him but we're just cool now. Anyways... I always looked at him as total un-boyfriend material (no I dont like him again) but... I found out today that uh... not only has he like takin alcohol shots off of people (body shots) but also.... uh he's not a virgin... . I'm not really sure what to make of this...
I mean I do still think he is my friend. It would take a LOT more than this to ruin that... but idk... its like the little innocent part of him I thought I knew is gone and... its replaced by a sorta ........... mysterious part of him... I want to learn more... You know, who where when and all that. But he duznt seem to wanna talk about it... like he's a shamed of it.. and that just makes me wanna kno more!
It's odd... I can't really explain it... But idk..
Its like I have a new-found interest in him.
I don't like him... I just want to know more about him! I realize we never really talked about his past. Mine, sure. But not his...
Oh! On the lighter side of things, I got an mp3 player today... Okay, well actually I got it Xmas '07 but I couldn't find it till today. I put a little more than a hundred songs on it today (there will be more!) and ugh! I LOVE IT TO DEATH! literally, cannot stop listening to it!
Oooh, you should check out the song Forever by Papa Roach.. its really good...
Anyways,... no real news with Joe... :(
except he made the cutest face today! Literally I wanted to like take a picture of it and just stare at it for hours! He looked like a happy little kid! He had this cute little grin and his eyes were so shiny and he was so attentive and ugh! I loved it!
But I felt so bad for him when he was presenting in Spanish.
His 4-man group was presenting their Spanish Dialogue and they messed up so badly! There was like a section of just silence where nobody could remember who was supposed to say what next.
Joe was trying to get it back on track but... it didnt work that well. The kids were laughing and I felt like crying! I was embarrassed FOR him!
And then when me n Michelle presented.. I did very well.. but michelle... oh idk. She didn't get a lot of time to study and I don't think she's that good at remembering stuff... I mean, I started studying it at lunch and learned it by the middle of lunch.. I'm just good with stuff like that. But I know we got a good grade!
Oh, well I'm tired. got to get up at 5 30.
till next time, cya!

Confusion

Hm... these last few days nearly everybody i know (and some people i don't) have been coming up to me and asking me to draw them.
Its all because Christina got lazy and asked me to draw Chad, Kolin and Alex for her. Then Dakota asked me to draw him.
Then the day I turned in my drawing to Dakota, 23 people wanted pictures.
Then yesterday 17 people
and today 8 people...
It's getting exhausting and annoying.
I get home, and then from that point till I pass out I'm drawing and coloring.
I didn't even finish any drawings today.
Anyways, thats not real important.
I know I said I'd give up on Joe... but I can't. Everytime I see him, everytime he's next to me my heart beats faster and my mind goes numb... weird?
And today, I was presenting a project in Spanish with Michelle, Sarah and Peyton and he kept looking at me... I know some of you prolly think that its just cuz I was presenting...
But I wasn't even talking most of the time. I literally said like 2 things. Over a span of like half an hour.
I wasn't presenting much and I wasn't taking part in the discussion... and yet, he kept looking at me. Kept smiling and looking at me. Then he kept raising his hand and usually he doesnt participate at all... so ya kno, Sarah called on him to come up and write something on the board and it was right next to me....
And he seemed really nervous. . . Idk if it was cuz he was up at the board (even tho he volunteered) or cuz he was next to me (cuz i was frickin nervous!)
but his hand was clenched in a fist and he held it up against the dry-erase board and it looked like he was really struggling to make his hand-writing look good (even though his hand writing kinda sux... ok, it really sux)
OH! And then yesterday he was presenting with his group and ... idk...
He was doing the Paso Cultural for his group (haha, I did that for my group too!) and his voice is deep (i already knew that, but u didn't!) and it was kinda shaky... Then again, i know he was probably nervous..
But a lot of people have been telling me he's really stupid... Like today, He got an answer right in Spanish so Mason was like "Damn, Joe! You actually are smart?!" and then in Math one time (Christina has him in math) Jimmy was teachin a group of kids to do some things and he commented "It was tough teachin Joe..." And then joe was like "What do you mean?" (And he was angry) and so Jimmy said "Well... you're not exactly the brightest tool in the shed" and Joe got angrier... i dont remember what happened after that... but then Cora said that she thinks he's retarded.. (but cora's a retard so I dont' believe her) and idk...
i'm probly boring you and i wouldn't be surprised if you stopped reading a long time ago....
well... till next time I suppose... cya

Giving up

OKay... sooo.. i'm feeling very down right now.
The dance went horribly.
Joe wasn't even there! So much for "wanting to talk to me"
God i'm so stupid for ever thinking he coulda liked me.
At the dance, all the prep guys were dressed as Greasers. It was cool
One of em, a douche named Antonio asked me to dance.
Sure he's cute but he's a total douche. I said yes anyways though cuz i didn't want to seem like a bitch.
Me, Catie, Christina, Michelle, Kate, Garrett, Mauricio, and a few other kids went to Dairy Queen after the dance. Then I hung at Caties for like an hour and left my phone at her house. :(
Haven't gotten it back yet.
i dyed my hair black today.
And there's only 3 weeks left of school. I can't believe I'll be finished with Middle school in 3 weeks... its weird.
I guess I give up on Joe. Officially give up.
Although this kid, alex mcdougall, *friends with joe* asked christina to draw a pic of him, then a pic of chad and a pic of Kolin then one of them all together.
But christina duznt want to draw it.
So she asked me to.
So I think i will and idk... maybe Joe will see them.. :T
Idk.
im confused.
well, till next time, cya.

Stolen Glances

I guess this blog is just more of the same really.
My hair turned more blue in the wash.
The Dance is tomorrow
I'm still planning on gaiging my ears
Joe still seems kinda like he wants to talk to me... and i have a little to add on this.
Again, there was lingering in the hallways. And then in Spanish class, we were signing up for these group things for projects and Joe was keeping his head down while everybody was being called but then when Senora called my name, he looked up at me and idk... even though he wasnt smiling he looked happy. . . ? And then when his name was called he looked back at me... We weren't in the same group or anything. My group was already filled up with my friends and he went to work with his friends (duh) and... yeah.
If he goes to the dance... well.. who knows? Maybe.. hopefully just maybe we might dance.
and the whole while I'm like suffering over this lack of communication and establishment between me and Joe, Christina (my twin sister) is out there, reeling in this guy she likes thats friends with Joe.! His name is Alex and Christina talks to him almost every day and she's already showed him her sketchbook and he asked her to draw a picture of him...
I swear, it just isn't fair.
Christina is the shy one, I'm outgoing. And yet... she's had 3 bfs, she's already talked to the person she likes and she's always kinda bragging about it.
It makes me sad actually.
She gets a guy like that *snap* and I can't even get the chance to talk to Joe. Its not that I wont talk to him because I'm shy (altho i am terrified that i'll say something totally stupid and douch-ish) its just that i literally cannot get a chance!
I hope I turn heads at the dance and he'll notice me. Only 3 weeks left of school after tomorrow. I don't want to waste them.
well, till next time, cya.

Still no answers

Okay. So before I go into detail about my day i have two things to share
1) My purple hair is turning into this really light gray-blue color and I'm like freaking out about it. It looks cool, but I don't think its supposed to happen..
2) I'm gaging my ears. Starting today. I eventually want to get them up to 3/4" ... yeah that'd be cool. Right now their prolly.... uh... prolly like a 12 or 14 gage. So I got a ways to go.

Anyways, now about my day.
I really do get the feeling Joe wants to talk to me. BIG TIME!
OKay, so I was standing at my locker with some friends and his locker's a few down from mine. So I see him fidgeting with his stuff and then close his locker. Then he starts to walk away and then goes back to his locker. He opens it, but doesn't get anything or put anything in... Weird, huh? Then he did that same thing again later. I think he mighta been tryin to come up to me but I had all my friends around me and I know that's intimidating.. =T Anyways, then later that day, It was just me, him, and Catie in the hallway except for a few other people and there was nobody in the gap between me and him except Catie was standing near me. And so he gets his stuff, closes his locker and then just stands there, kicking his locker a little bit... even tho the bottom wasn't sticking out so there was no reason to kick it... I couldn't pick up any signals in Spanish though, cuz we were taking a test... But hm. Really gets me thinking...
I hope he's going to the dance!
Well...I know this was kinda boring. not much to write about. Till next time, cya!

So many questions.

Okay, so ... i'm a little dissapointed after the events of today. But... idk. there's two ways of looking at this. I'll explain:

The Spring Dance is in a few days (today's Tuesday and the dance is Friday) and me n all my friends are going. At the winter dance, i didn't have a date :( mainly cuz i didn't like anybody at the time.. anyways, not the point. So I've made sure to talk about the dance with my friends when i'm around Joe, so that maybe he *overhears* and learns that I'm going... the thing is though, i dont even know if he's going. =T AND it seems like he wants to talk to me but idk if i'm like just being delirious. Like he'll kinda swerve my way in the hallway but then kinda duck away. Or get really close to me when I'm talking to friends or something but then just like pause and then walk away, u kno? Or I could just be imagining all this. Idk. So I get the feeling he wants to ask me something. Could it be about the dance? Hm. idk. But then, today, in Spanish I was sent out to the hallway for not having my flash cards. So i'm out there, and she just told me to study. And then all of a sudden, 4 guys come crashing out of the room and Ms. Mazurco is yelling at them and saying that we all need to copy down our vocab. I look up at the guys, and It's Scott, Darion, Jake "Snake", and Joe! So I'm kinda excited. But nervous. And all the guys sit at the opposite side of the hall from me and i'm sitting right across from Joe. Cool, huh? Except that I'm wearing this really low-cut shirt today. With a sweatshirt that wont zip. So the whole time I'm like trying to fidget with my jacket, trying to cover up any cleavage that might be showing. And then, i hear Snake say "Hey, Joe, do you like cleavage?" and so i look up... Only neither of them are looking at me (Thank God!) and i thought it was kinda weird... only then Joe glances up at me for a split second and then he says "Uh.. yeah i guess." And then he and jake start whispering... Weird? I know. But that whole time, I never got to say one word to Joe! Mainly cuz i was too shy and cuz i was workin my ass off to get that vocab done.

So, I guess you can see how my day's dissapointing... err.. at least i think you can guess. Anyways, today left me with a lot of unanswered questions:

Is Joe going to the dance?
Does he actually want to ask me something?
Was he and Jake whispering about my cleavage??
Am I being like totally delusional?
Should I even like Joe anymore?
What the hell is going on?

I'll try to get the answers to these questions.
Except the one about the cleavage... I think it best to just leave that one alone. :D
Anyways, in other news
I dyed my hair purple
I'm almost done with my blue puppy in sewing (a day or two more should do it!)
This 7th grade bitch who talks shit about my friends was walking towards me and christina and then said "Move out of the way" and tried to sandwich herself in between christina and me but instead of moving, i shoved her with my shoulder and she stumbled and it was funny
Only 3 weeks of school left after the Dance
I'm wearing a long-sleeve pink tee, a white skirt that goes about 4 inches above my knee and some 2-inch black high-heels
I've been sick with a cold
And.... I guess that's it.
Well, till next time, cya!

IDIOT!!

OMFG!! i'M SUCH A FUCKiNG iDiOT!! GAWD!!!

Okay, so here's what happened:

I was sitting next to Jimmy and with Michelle and Scott and crap for this Cinco De Mayo party in Spanish class yesterday and Alexis (meh friend) asks me if I want to switch seats with Kelly...

I look over to where Kelly is and all I really pay attention to is that she's not near any of my friends... Mainly cuz I'm near my friends..

So I decline the offer and continue the party... Now, where the idiocy kicks in

I look over to Kelly after I have my food n everythin (too late to switch) and guess who she's sitting across from?

JOE!

Of course, I feel like a friggin doucher!! How could I have been so stupid as to not have looked to see who Kelly was sitting by?! Goddammit!

Perfect opportunity *and ONLY opportunity* to talk to him, and I friggin miss it!! gooddddaaaammmmmmmiiiiiitttttt!!!!

And then today, something... embarrassing happened.

Okay, so there's this kid named Mason. He's kinda a perv but also pretty cool and he's popular. And he sits sorta in front but also sorta next to me in Spanish class.

And so he's like, "Hey, Stephanie, I just realized something. The ending to -er verbs is emos."

and he starts kinda rambling on about it and I look just past Mason into the background of him, and I see Joe looking directly at me, listening in on the conversation, smiling and laughing...

The only thing I could think to do was smile right at him, meanwhile I'm fuckin embarrassed that I'm the center of attention...

BUT WAIT!
IT GETS WORSE!

So, I'm sitting there, feeling my face growing red while maintaining direct eye contact with Joe, When Austin (sits in front of me) turns around and says "hey, stephanie, why do you still have those lip rings in?"

And I'm just like "uuhh... cuz... I want to?" And then Mason says "haha, i bet i know how she got them pierced"

(And I"m thinking, didn't I tell him?)

But then he's like "Her boyfriend stuck his needle dick in her mouth"

aND i'M FUCKIN MORTIFIED!!

I felt like I wanted to scream!! Cuz Joe's still listening. All i could do was shout EW and I was just soooo embarrassed I was like hiding my face in my hands... but also laughing cuz it was kinda funny

so, as I'm sitting there, I realize, hey... Joe's noticing me! And I feel a little happy... and idk... though... sometimes I think i should just give up on the whole Joe cause.. I mean I've liked him ferr like... what 2 months?

And I"m too shy to tell him anything, and even if he did like me, i'm pretty sure he's too shy too. SO this will pretty much go nowhere, right?

But at the same time, I just can't. I like him too much to just.. give up..

Oh, I don't know... I only have 4 and a half weeks until school's out. So in four and a half weeks I'll make my decision to give up or not.

eheh... well.. err till next time, cya.

Weekend's Over

Okay, so the weekend's Over now... :( Not a whole lot happened. Oh! but on Friday, like half the 8th grade went on some Chicago trip so there was like 5 ppl in each class. It was AWESOME! and Joe wasn't there D: cuz he skipped. Cuz he's a doucher. Haha. Some other people skipped too. Like Chad and I only know that cuz he wasn't in Drafting and I saw him when I was walking home from school. But yeah, after school I read this book called The Outsiders... It made me cry like a little baby and I love that book!! Read It all in one day, thank ya vury much. Then again, that's not surprising for me. I spent the night at Cora's house that night, woke up in the morning. Five minutes later, Christina's telling me to come home cuz she's bored. Then today we painted our living room. Its now Orange instead of Green. Yay! And Christina's hair is black now (used to be blue) and my hair's pink (used to be blonde) and Catie's hair is Blonde with baby highlights of brown (Used to be brown with blonde in the bangs)... so yeah. I also drew this picture... it's reallyy cool and took me an hour and a half. In the picture, I'm sitting on a thrown with a crown on, Cora's wearing a tiara and wearing a frilly pink dress, Catie's in shining armor as a knight, and Christina is twirling a jester hat and she's wearing a lot of harlequin. I labeled it False Kingdom and I based it off of a drawing in the Manga Vampire Kisses: Blood Relatives. Sooo yeah. I also colored it and its suh-weet. Maybe I'll get a picture of it on here. :D But yeah, other than that my weekend was boring. . . so I'm going to bed now. Till next time, cya.

Puke

Okay.. so I've been sick since Tuesday. And it was SOO embarrassing!! Okay, so here's what happened. All day my stomach had been feeling like I'd been hit by a truck. I could barely get up and walk around and I was constantly supressing moans of pain. I thought maybe this is what period cramps feel like? Only, I wasn't on my period (tmi, i kno) and so then in 5th hour, Spanish, everybody was doing this game. Here's the game : You call out somebody's name and you make moose antlers with your hands. Then you lower your hands. The person you called has only while your hands our up to cuff their hands around their eyes to make owl eyes. If they don't do it on time, then they have to get on all fours and say moose. Weird, huh? And so I was battling with my stomach and then this guy caught me on it. And I didn't make the owl eyes on time! So he was telling me to do the moose thing and I knew I couldn't because it would hurt too much... But I couldn't tell him that! So I just refused and they said I was a bad sport and nobody wanted to play with me after that. =( Anyways, thats not even the embarrassing part! Then, in 6th hour, Math, we were reading for SSR (silent sustained reading) and all of a sudden I felt like my stomach was going to burst open! And I started getting all clammy (my forehead, arms, palms, everywhere was emitting cold sweat) and I felt so sick. So I went up to the Dubester (Mrs. Dubia) and told her I really needed to go to the bathroom. She took one look at me and asked if I was going to puke and I said "yeah" and so she wrote me a pass and then said (and here's the embarrassing part) "Go ahead and take the trash can with you." WHAT KIND OF ADVICE IS THAT?! She said it was incase I puked in the hallway. But still, I felt (and looked) like a complete loser dork weirdo maxima walking through the hallways carrying a trash can into the girl's bathroom! So I went in the bathroom, did what I had to do (blah) and then I carried the trash can back up to the Dubester's room. And she asked if I felt alright and I said I needed to go to the Office and she said okay, wrote me another pass, and then told Danielle to escort me to the office. AS IF I NEEDED THAT! and so then Danielle's walking me and asking me whats up and I tell her I got sick and I knew she was gonna tell everybody. (she's such a gossip! [and sure enough, Christina (my twin sister) heard I got sick from Danielle]) And so I call my mom in the Office, but she can't get off work and even if she did wouldn't be able to get there fer like 45 mins, so I called my brother, Nick and that moleboy didn't answer.. so I left a message... Then I went back up to class and the Dubester made me take the trash can to my desk!! D'X and then everybody was asking me what happened. And so then I was explaining it over and over again. And then a few minutes later, I was called down to the office again and SURPRISE! Nick's there!! Yayyyy!! And so I gathered up my stuff, left a note in my locker for Catie saying that I got sick and went home and then yesterday, i didn't go to school and today I didn't go to school but tomorrow I plan to go. I've puked like 600 times in the last 3 days and I'm sick of it! (haha, little pun right there.) Anyways, I'm not looking forward to making up all the absent work but at least I'll have the whole weekend to do it anndddd I'll get to see Joe tomorrow! Yay... Oh YEAH! And today, Christina calls me while she's in school, apparently I got her sick too! She was driven home by Cora's dad!! But, anyways, until next time, cya!

Relief

Okay, so I've come to the conclusion that Marcus and Derek ARE complete DOUCHEBAGS! but. they didn't tell Joe. (At least, I dont think) Now here's my reasoning: Joe hasn't acted ANY different, none of his friends gave me weird looks and Marcus and Derek can suck it. Okay, in other news. I bumped into Joe today.. :D!! Here's what happened (lame story) I was walking backwards, I turned around and felt somebody's arm brush against mine, I look up and its joe! Interesting, right? lol. Well it was a big thing for me! I can still remember the way his skin felt on mine. Ah, it replays over and over in my head. Oh yeah, and the biggest part! When I bumped into him, and I looked up at him, he looked down at me and smiled! SMILED! I know it's probably no thing to anybody whose ever had a boyfriend... but come on! :) I like joe.

Here's some News: I've got the mind to lose some weight! I'm chubbier than most girls at my school. I way around 150 and I'm 5 foot 6. I should weigh much less! Now I want to lose 20 pounds (at least) and it would be cool if I did it by the end of the school year (Yeah, right!) and here's my plan:

1) Eat healthier and eat less.
-limit is 2000 calories a day. (less if I can help it)
- I will no longer ask for chips, but instead granola bars or fruit
2) Exercise!
-I have a routine that I will do every day!
*100 punches with my right arm, 100 with my left
*25 kicks with my right leg, 25 with my left
*Daily stretches
*10 push-ups
*50 bicyclers
*80 crunches
-And also, I will try to get some outside work done. Whether its jogging a few laps around my condo complex, jogging up to the park and doing some exercise there, riding my bike a couple miles, or just simply skateboarding until I can't skateboard anymore!

I think this will greatly improve my life. I'll feel better for being healthier, I'll look better, and not to mention that summer's coming up which means swimsuit season!
Who knows? I may come out as a totally different person! (i hope)
Well, i'm going to sleep in good spirits. So, till next time diary, cya!

News and Heartache

Well, I'll start with the news cuz the heartaches hard to deal with. 1) I got a new monitor so everythings brighter and more awesome! 2) I got this cool book of poetry and its pretty darn amazing.

Now for the heartache. So i told you about the whole Marcus/Ian/Guy I like/ Math thing, right? Yeah, well, it turns out Marcus is an even bigger doucher than i thought. So, Derek sits next to me in Spanish class, and he's like, so you like Joe? (derek's one of the ppl who overheard in Math) And I'm like, shut up. And he's like, "Cuz I'll go tell him if you want" And I'm like, Please Don't. And he's like, "Are you sure? Cuz he's just over there" and so he goes up to him, whispers something and comes back and he's like "I told him. And he seemed pretty disgusted." ONly, i knew he was joking cuz he was laughing. And I"m like, you're stupid. And he's like "fine, i really will go tell him then."
And so he goes up, comes back and says "I told him I knew who liked him and he said 'Lip-pierce girl'" and I still knew he was joking. Derek was the type that never admitted when he was joking. So he just kept telling me "He knows. He knows. I swear!"

And then in Math, Marcus is like, "Yeah, i told joe you liked him. I told him on Thursday after I found out. I told him 'I know who likes you' and he's like 'who?' and I said 'Stephanie' and he didn't say anything. Didn't even make a facial expression, but instead he turned around and went to his locker"

I contemplated Marcus's words for a few moments. And since he wasn't saying anything about it being a joke, I asked if he had any witnesses. He pointed to Ian (who is like my best guy friend) and I'm like "Ian, did you hear what happened?" And ian's like "Oh, well... uh... I saw them talking.. but i don't know what it was about."

And I was just ... I dunno. I was mad at Ian for not being able to tell me what happened. I was mad at Marcus-- Scratch that. I was FURIOUS at Marcus for telling! and I was scared and humiliated. I literally started crying cuz i didn't know if marcus was telling the truth or if it was some kind of cruel prank. And then I started thinking .. What if what Derek said was true? What if Joe sees me only as the 'Lip-pierce girl'? I was so certain that Joe liked me back. All the stolen glances and smiles... was I just being irrational? Or is Marcus and Derek playing a prank on me... ? Ian could tell I was mad and was good at keeping his distance for the rest of the day. I didn't even tell anybody about it. The only person that knows is Cora and thats cuz she could tell I'd been crying. Oh, and not only that, but that day we changed seats in Math. I don't sit by either Marcus nor Ian anymore.. Adn to tell the truth, I couldn't be happier! I'm still mad at them. I can't believe Marcus would betray me like that! We're not friends, but still, you do not play with a teenage girl's emotions like that!
Especially not a girl whose crossed the blade over her wrist one too many times. I suppose nows as good a time as any, to fess up and tell a secret. I'm a wrist-cutter. Have been since 6th grade. 2 years now i've been doing it and have the scars to prove it. I stopped for about 5 months until recently. Well... recently, things haven't been going too well. Hm. Well, till next time, I suppose, Cya.

I need true emotions

I must say, today had a lot of ups and downs. Too bad right now its down. So here's a basic layout of my day: When the day started out, Joe wasn't there. Which sucked! cuz i had a convo starter.. But then in the middle of second hour, Michelle and I were sitting in the hallway, reading, when I hear this kid named Jake say "Hey, you're here!" I look up at Jake and he's looking the other way. I follow his gaze and there's Joe. I lean my head out to see him better. (How gorgeous, lol) Then I really didn't see him much again until 5th hour, Spanish. So much for talking to him, right? So sometime during class, I look over and he's looking DIRECTLY at me.. or was he? I couldn't be too sure because he didn't look away or react at all when i started looking at him... But after a straight 3 seconds of pure staring at each other, he smiled. I got so shy i looked down. When I looked back up, he was staring at his desk. Then, when he went to go get a highlighter (which is 5 ft from my desk!), he didn't move his head, but his eyes peered up at me (his head was down) and it looked like he smiled.. or was it a smirk? If it was a smile, thats good. If it was a smirk... I don't know but i don't think its good.. is it? Anyways, the rest of 5th hour passed with Nothing. But then in 6th hour, Math, these 2 kids Ian and Marcus were bugging me about who I like! They would NOT leave me alone, so finally I told them that the last letter of his last name is K, the last letter of his short name is E (Joe) the last letter of his full name is H (Joseph), he's in my spanish class, he's tall, and that his spanish name ends with an N (Esteban)... so those 2 jerks got half the class involved in the guessing! And guess what? 2 of the guessers were people in MY SPANISH CLASS!! I was so scared. Then, after several failed attempts, they guess Joe! I hid my face in my hands. Several of them joked about telling him ... and I wouldn't be surprised if they actually did. In a way, I sorta wanted Joe to find out... see what he'd do... but now I really wish they would've never guessed... Cuz now here's my low. It's silly, but Catie and I were talking about Math class and what happened and she said "No offense, but I don't think you're really his type. I mean, the last girl he liked was Megan" who is this really preppy, slender, pretty girl... How can I compete? I feel so stupid for ever thinking he liked me. Well... till next time, cya.

PROBLEM SOLVED!!

Thank you Veronica!! You totally saved my blog!!

(She went on my account and changed my profile)

THANKKKK YOOUUUUU!!! :D

Anxiety and Problems

Okay, so I noticed on my profile that like a LOT of my posts are being chopped off... I'm not sure how to return it to normal. I've tried getting different layouts but nothing's working. If you have any ideas, please contact me. Hense the Problems part of my title. Otherwise, I actually Do have some news about little mister Joe. NO, I didn't talk to him. BUT, I have a conversation starter for tomorrow (if i work up the guts to talk to him, that is.) Okay, so what I found out is that he punched a guy in the stomach when they were playing b-ball and he didn't get in trouble for it. I could start out by asking him "So I heard you punched some kid named Adam in the stomach?" and then he'd reply. Then I'd ask what happened? Then he'd reply. Then I'd say "And you didn't get in trouble for it?" And he'd reply :D and then I'd say "Thats weird. I didn't even punch anybody and I got suspended for 2 days" then we'd start talking about Nina. and what happened between me and her. The conversation shall be gloriously awkward (lol) ... But, then again, I probably won't even get the courage to ask him anything about it... :( curse my insecurity! Oh yeah, and I have to stay in after school tomorrow to finish a stupid drawing in Drafting. Fun.. blah! Well ima go to bed now. Till next time, cya!

Blah!!

So, i dyed my hair blonde yesterday. Its BLONDE blonde... and i got a lot of cool comments at skool about it. And the main person I wanted to hear from was Joe (yes, i've decided i like him more than Chad) and I only have one class with Joe and that's fifth hour Spanish. So lunch is right b4 spanish. I see him at lunch and he's just chillin and so am i and stuff... and then I'm SOO excited for Spanish (even tho me n him dont talk and we sit all the way across the room from each other, I still see him looking at me a lot!) and so I get there all pumped up, and HE'S NOT THERE! Nobody knows why but he wasn't in that class. I saw him later in the day tho (in the hallway) and I see him and he's looking directly at me and Smiling! I was happy... but eh. Sometimes I think I take little things like stolen glances and smiles totally out of porportion. But come on, what am I supposed to think? Oh and then Fagboy Draven (totalllll bastard! And nina's best [and only] friend) passes me in the hallway and as soon as he passes me he shouts EW! and then i over hear him tell somebody "I fucking hate stephanie!" and I'm just like .. okay... whatever? U kno? I dont care what he thinks. But, when I see him just like 2 mins later, I pass by him and he's looking directly at me, so I look at him and I say "Oh my fucking gawd! It's hideous!" And then He gives me a look like Oh-no-you-did-not! and I just walk on by.. and then I was late to my 6th hour.. blah!! And then in 7th hour we learned how to work a sewing machine (i hope I learn enough to sew my own clothes!) and then I went home, fell asleep, ate some pizza, watched Tropic Thunder (good movie) and then I did some homework.. took a shower. and now this. yay. And yeah. Now i gotta do more homework but its like 3 mins to midnight! Blaahhhh!!! Well, till next time (and hopefully next time I'll have some juicy thing to say about Joe), Cya!

Escapayyy

Okay dokay. Today was rather interesting. I was suspended, so I didn't get to go to school. Instead, I got to stay home and sleep. :D Only, last night, this creeper named Jesse texted me. Now, I dont know how old Jesse is, I don't even know his last name. All I know is that he's creepy and he goes to high school. The way we met is me n my friends Catie and Colette (high schooler) were hangin at static age (this cool little "emo" club in town) and we were just chillin maxed by the grillin, like villians when all of a sudden Colette points out Jesse and says she knows him from school and we start hangin. We all thought he was creepy and eventually ditched him and hid from him. A while later he adds me on myspace, and a little after that, he asks me out. I tell him no and we stop talking. This was like a year ago or somethin. A month ago or so he starts talkin to me again. I talk back just so i'm not a bitch. But then he starts commenting all my pix telling me i'm beautiful and "sexxiiii" and stuff and i'm just like Gross! So he knew that i had a cell phone and asks for the number.. I didn't want to but I gave him my number anyways. So he texts me last night like "U wanna hang after skool 2mrw?" and I ask "Can I bring my friend Cora?" Cuz she has a crush on him (BLAH! GROSS! NASTY! EWW!!!) and then he's like "Sure" and so I say yeah, whatever. And then after we set a time and place he's like "So is it a date?" And i'm LIke FREAKING out cuz just.. groooossssssssss!! and then I text back "Uh.... not a date date... " and he was liek "well ima go to bed. Oh, and even though U dyed ur hair I bet you're still beautiful" [cuz i'd been complaining that I didn't like it] "Good night, Stephanie," and I'm like getting shivers cuz its so creepy and I just say g'night and I call cora and fill her in. She's excited and I tell her to dress slutty and flirt with him so she's the one gettin raped by creepy Jesse and not me. (She likes it! lol) and then today he txts me "are we still hangin out?" and I'd been dreading it so i just say "uh.. sorry but my mom said I couldn't cuz i'm being punished cuz i'm suspended" and he's like "that sux" but he accepts it (thank god!) and then i tell cora the same thing. And yeah, thats how I escaped (hense the title Escapayyy) hanging out with Creeper Jesse. Oh! and I"m bleaching my hair right now cuz it was like dirty blonde b4 and i want it blonde blonde and i'm using Loreal Feria Extra Bleach Blonde which I use all the time (its the bestt! [i put in the full name incase u wanna bleach urs {and its super easy!}]) so yeah. I'll put up a pic after i'm done. :D till next time, cya!

A Little Info

I am currently suspended from school for "harrassing" a student online and then bringing it into school. I think its pretty stupid. First of all, I only sent one message to the bitch and she deserved it. She was calling my friend and me emo bitches that need to go cut themselves. So, hah, what would you do? But then me n the other girl who is my deadly annoying friend (her name is Cora) went to go confront her in school bcuz we knew she wouldn't do anything in real life but would say Anything on myspace. So, we got in trouble, I was suspended for the day that spring break begins and today spring break ends and i'm not allowed to go to school tomorrow. Cora isn't allowed to go to school 2mrw or the day after cuz she pulled Nina's hair and Nina (the bitch) isn't allowed to go to school 2mrw or the day after cuz she was absent on Thursday (the day we got in trouble).. so thats the recent drama. In my friend life, my friend Cora (who lives 2 doors down from me) is getting SOOOOO annoying!!! she wants to hang out every single friggin day and wants to spend the night all the fuckin time! its like seriously, dude! Its like i'm her only friend or something! she calls me like 7 times a day and when I dont answer she leaves voicemails like "How come you never answer your phone? I'm seriously getting pissed. Call me back" and I just want to call her back and be like "Fuck you! dude, stop calling me like 5,000 times a day! goddamn bitch.!" I've had it up to here with her... She's driving me mental. I try to make up excuses not to hang out with her but I'm running out of em. If you have a good excuse, please let me know! Phew. Anyways, moving on to me love life: Zilch. Nada. Cero. NOTHING! blah! I'm getting so SICK of being single! There's only 2 guys that I like at my school right now. One of them is named Joe the other Chad. They are totally best friends and I feel a little guilty for liking both of them. Is that weird? I dunno. Chad's in my Drafting class and Joe is in my Spanish Class. Joe has brown hair, blue eyes and is tall and tan. Chad has dark brown hair, uh brown eyes i think and he's about my height. Joe's better looking than Chad but I feel like maybe I'd have a better conversation with Chad... but I can't tell cuz I don't really know either of them.. I'm fairly certain Chad duzn't like me cuz i commented him on myspace just like "hey, whats up?" and he never replied. Stupid, huh? Whereas Joe looks at me during class... but so duz Chad... so I'm confused and .. er.. hoping one of em likes me enough to ask me out.. But, who knows? Some things just can turn out unexpectedly. If you have any advise, please tell me. If you need any advise, feel free to ask! Till next time, cya!

The Beginning

My name is Stephanie. My friends call me Stenny. I'm 13 years old and I'm in the 8th grade. I live in Michigan, U.S. I've had my share of problems in the past. I've played my part in historic moments at my middle school and i've had some pretty interesting situations and experiences that most do not deal with. I'm free to give advice, take advice, or just chat. I'm smarter and I'm more mature than I look. I love music, movies and just laying back and relaxing. I love to have fun and chill but I'm serious when I have to be. I've never had a boyfriend and I've never been kissed. I do like a few guys at my school but I don't think they really like me back. I'm just trying to get through Middle School and out of High School with as little Drama as possible, but.. eh. Do things every go the way I plan? Haha, no. I'll post blogs as often as possible and share all my thoughts. I warn you, some of the things in my blog will require maturity and understanding. Discretion is advised and if you don't like it, don't read it.