Surprise

I learned something interesting today. You've probably heard me mention my friend Ian... I used to like him but we're just cool now. Anyways... I always looked at him as total un-boyfriend material (no I dont like him again) but... I found out today that uh... not only has he like takin alcohol shots off of people (body shots) but also.... uh he's not a virgin... . I'm not really sure what to make of this...
I mean I do still think he is my friend. It would take a LOT more than this to ruin that... but idk... its like the little innocent part of him I thought I knew is gone and... its replaced by a sorta ........... mysterious part of him... I want to learn more... You know, who where when and all that. But he duznt seem to wanna talk about it... like he's a shamed of it.. and that just makes me wanna kno more!
It's odd... I can't really explain it... But idk..
Its like I have a new-found interest in him.
I don't like him... I just want to know more about him! I realize we never really talked about his past. Mine, sure. But not his...
Oh! On the lighter side of things, I got an mp3 player today... Okay, well actually I got it Xmas '07 but I couldn't find it till today. I put a little more than a hundred songs on it today (there will be more!) and ugh! I LOVE IT TO DEATH! literally, cannot stop listening to it!
Oooh, you should check out the song Forever by Papa Roach.. its really good...
Anyways,... no real news with Joe... :(
except he made the cutest face today! Literally I wanted to like take a picture of it and just stare at it for hours! He looked like a happy little kid! He had this cute little grin and his eyes were so shiny and he was so attentive and ugh! I loved it!
But I felt so bad for him when he was presenting in Spanish.
His 4-man group was presenting their Spanish Dialogue and they messed up so badly! There was like a section of just silence where nobody could remember who was supposed to say what next.
Joe was trying to get it back on track but... it didnt work that well. The kids were laughing and I felt like crying! I was embarrassed FOR him!
And then when me n Michelle presented.. I did very well.. but michelle... oh idk. She didn't get a lot of time to study and I don't think she's that good at remembering stuff... I mean, I started studying it at lunch and learned it by the middle of lunch.. I'm just good with stuff like that. But I know we got a good grade!
Oh, well I'm tired. got to get up at 5 30.
till next time, cya!

Confusion

Hm... these last few days nearly everybody i know (and some people i don't) have been coming up to me and asking me to draw them.
Its all because Christina got lazy and asked me to draw Chad, Kolin and Alex for her. Then Dakota asked me to draw him.
Then the day I turned in my drawing to Dakota, 23 people wanted pictures.
Then yesterday 17 people
and today 8 people...
It's getting exhausting and annoying.
I get home, and then from that point till I pass out I'm drawing and coloring.
I didn't even finish any drawings today.
Anyways, thats not real important.
I know I said I'd give up on Joe... but I can't. Everytime I see him, everytime he's next to me my heart beats faster and my mind goes numb... weird?
And today, I was presenting a project in Spanish with Michelle, Sarah and Peyton and he kept looking at me... I know some of you prolly think that its just cuz I was presenting...
But I wasn't even talking most of the time. I literally said like 2 things. Over a span of like half an hour.
I wasn't presenting much and I wasn't taking part in the discussion... and yet, he kept looking at me. Kept smiling and looking at me. Then he kept raising his hand and usually he doesnt participate at all... so ya kno, Sarah called on him to come up and write something on the board and it was right next to me....
And he seemed really nervous. . . Idk if it was cuz he was up at the board (even tho he volunteered) or cuz he was next to me (cuz i was frickin nervous!)
but his hand was clenched in a fist and he held it up against the dry-erase board and it looked like he was really struggling to make his hand-writing look good (even though his hand writing kinda sux... ok, it really sux)
OH! And then yesterday he was presenting with his group and ... idk...
He was doing the Paso Cultural for his group (haha, I did that for my group too!) and his voice is deep (i already knew that, but u didn't!) and it was kinda shaky... Then again, i know he was probably nervous..
But a lot of people have been telling me he's really stupid... Like today, He got an answer right in Spanish so Mason was like "Damn, Joe! You actually are smart?!" and then in Math one time (Christina has him in math) Jimmy was teachin a group of kids to do some things and he commented "It was tough teachin Joe..." And then joe was like "What do you mean?" (And he was angry) and so Jimmy said "Well... you're not exactly the brightest tool in the shed" and Joe got angrier... i dont remember what happened after that... but then Cora said that she thinks he's retarded.. (but cora's a retard so I dont' believe her) and idk...
i'm probly boring you and i wouldn't be surprised if you stopped reading a long time ago....
well... till next time I suppose... cya

Giving up

OKay... sooo.. i'm feeling very down right now.
The dance went horribly.
Joe wasn't even there! So much for "wanting to talk to me"
God i'm so stupid for ever thinking he coulda liked me.
At the dance, all the prep guys were dressed as Greasers. It was cool
One of em, a douche named Antonio asked me to dance.
Sure he's cute but he's a total douche. I said yes anyways though cuz i didn't want to seem like a bitch.
Me, Catie, Christina, Michelle, Kate, Garrett, Mauricio, and a few other kids went to Dairy Queen after the dance. Then I hung at Caties for like an hour and left my phone at her house. :(
Haven't gotten it back yet.
i dyed my hair black today.
And there's only 3 weeks left of school. I can't believe I'll be finished with Middle school in 3 weeks... its weird.
I guess I give up on Joe. Officially give up.
Although this kid, alex mcdougall, *friends with joe* asked christina to draw a pic of him, then a pic of chad and a pic of Kolin then one of them all together.
But christina duznt want to draw it.
So she asked me to.
So I think i will and idk... maybe Joe will see them.. :T
Idk.
im confused.
well, till next time, cya.

Stolen Glances

I guess this blog is just more of the same really.
My hair turned more blue in the wash.
The Dance is tomorrow
I'm still planning on gaiging my ears
Joe still seems kinda like he wants to talk to me... and i have a little to add on this.
Again, there was lingering in the hallways. And then in Spanish class, we were signing up for these group things for projects and Joe was keeping his head down while everybody was being called but then when Senora called my name, he looked up at me and idk... even though he wasnt smiling he looked happy. . . ? And then when his name was called he looked back at me... We weren't in the same group or anything. My group was already filled up with my friends and he went to work with his friends (duh) and... yeah.
If he goes to the dance... well.. who knows? Maybe.. hopefully just maybe we might dance.
and the whole while I'm like suffering over this lack of communication and establishment between me and Joe, Christina (my twin sister) is out there, reeling in this guy she likes thats friends with Joe.! His name is Alex and Christina talks to him almost every day and she's already showed him her sketchbook and he asked her to draw a picture of him...
I swear, it just isn't fair.
Christina is the shy one, I'm outgoing. And yet... she's had 3 bfs, she's already talked to the person she likes and she's always kinda bragging about it.
It makes me sad actually.
She gets a guy like that *snap* and I can't even get the chance to talk to Joe. Its not that I wont talk to him because I'm shy (altho i am terrified that i'll say something totally stupid and douch-ish) its just that i literally cannot get a chance!
I hope I turn heads at the dance and he'll notice me. Only 3 weeks left of school after tomorrow. I don't want to waste them.
well, till next time, cya.

Still no answers

Okay. So before I go into detail about my day i have two things to share
1) My purple hair is turning into this really light gray-blue color and I'm like freaking out about it. It looks cool, but I don't think its supposed to happen..
2) I'm gaging my ears. Starting today. I eventually want to get them up to 3/4" ... yeah that'd be cool. Right now their prolly.... uh... prolly like a 12 or 14 gage. So I got a ways to go.

Anyways, now about my day.
I really do get the feeling Joe wants to talk to me. BIG TIME!
OKay, so I was standing at my locker with some friends and his locker's a few down from mine. So I see him fidgeting with his stuff and then close his locker. Then he starts to walk away and then goes back to his locker. He opens it, but doesn't get anything or put anything in... Weird, huh? Then he did that same thing again later. I think he mighta been tryin to come up to me but I had all my friends around me and I know that's intimidating.. =T Anyways, then later that day, It was just me, him, and Catie in the hallway except for a few other people and there was nobody in the gap between me and him except Catie was standing near me. And so he gets his stuff, closes his locker and then just stands there, kicking his locker a little bit... even tho the bottom wasn't sticking out so there was no reason to kick it... I couldn't pick up any signals in Spanish though, cuz we were taking a test... But hm. Really gets me thinking...
I hope he's going to the dance!
Well...I know this was kinda boring. not much to write about. Till next time, cya!

So many questions.

Okay, so ... i'm a little dissapointed after the events of today. But... idk. there's two ways of looking at this. I'll explain:

The Spring Dance is in a few days (today's Tuesday and the dance is Friday) and me n all my friends are going. At the winter dance, i didn't have a date :( mainly cuz i didn't like anybody at the time.. anyways, not the point. So I've made sure to talk about the dance with my friends when i'm around Joe, so that maybe he *overhears* and learns that I'm going... the thing is though, i dont even know if he's going. =T AND it seems like he wants to talk to me but idk if i'm like just being delirious. Like he'll kinda swerve my way in the hallway but then kinda duck away. Or get really close to me when I'm talking to friends or something but then just like pause and then walk away, u kno? Or I could just be imagining all this. Idk. So I get the feeling he wants to ask me something. Could it be about the dance? Hm. idk. But then, today, in Spanish I was sent out to the hallway for not having my flash cards. So i'm out there, and she just told me to study. And then all of a sudden, 4 guys come crashing out of the room and Ms. Mazurco is yelling at them and saying that we all need to copy down our vocab. I look up at the guys, and It's Scott, Darion, Jake "Snake", and Joe! So I'm kinda excited. But nervous. And all the guys sit at the opposite side of the hall from me and i'm sitting right across from Joe. Cool, huh? Except that I'm wearing this really low-cut shirt today. With a sweatshirt that wont zip. So the whole time I'm like trying to fidget with my jacket, trying to cover up any cleavage that might be showing. And then, i hear Snake say "Hey, Joe, do you like cleavage?" and so i look up... Only neither of them are looking at me (Thank God!) and i thought it was kinda weird... only then Joe glances up at me for a split second and then he says "Uh.. yeah i guess." And then he and jake start whispering... Weird? I know. But that whole time, I never got to say one word to Joe! Mainly cuz i was too shy and cuz i was workin my ass off to get that vocab done.

So, I guess you can see how my day's dissapointing... err.. at least i think you can guess. Anyways, today left me with a lot of unanswered questions:

Is Joe going to the dance?
Does he actually want to ask me something?
Was he and Jake whispering about my cleavage??
Am I being like totally delusional?
Should I even like Joe anymore?
What the hell is going on?

I'll try to get the answers to these questions.
Except the one about the cleavage... I think it best to just leave that one alone. :D
Anyways, in other news
I dyed my hair purple
I'm almost done with my blue puppy in sewing (a day or two more should do it!)
This 7th grade bitch who talks shit about my friends was walking towards me and christina and then said "Move out of the way" and tried to sandwich herself in between christina and me but instead of moving, i shoved her with my shoulder and she stumbled and it was funny
Only 3 weeks of school left after the Dance
I'm wearing a long-sleeve pink tee, a white skirt that goes about 4 inches above my knee and some 2-inch black high-heels
I've been sick with a cold
And.... I guess that's it.
Well, till next time, cya!

IDIOT!!

OMFG!! i'M SUCH A FUCKiNG iDiOT!! GAWD!!!

Okay, so here's what happened:

I was sitting next to Jimmy and with Michelle and Scott and crap for this Cinco De Mayo party in Spanish class yesterday and Alexis (meh friend) asks me if I want to switch seats with Kelly...

I look over to where Kelly is and all I really pay attention to is that she's not near any of my friends... Mainly cuz I'm near my friends..

So I decline the offer and continue the party... Now, where the idiocy kicks in

I look over to Kelly after I have my food n everythin (too late to switch) and guess who she's sitting across from?

JOE!

Of course, I feel like a friggin doucher!! How could I have been so stupid as to not have looked to see who Kelly was sitting by?! Goddammit!

Perfect opportunity *and ONLY opportunity* to talk to him, and I friggin miss it!! gooddddaaaammmmmmmiiiiiitttttt!!!!

And then today, something... embarrassing happened.

Okay, so there's this kid named Mason. He's kinda a perv but also pretty cool and he's popular. And he sits sorta in front but also sorta next to me in Spanish class.

And so he's like, "Hey, Stephanie, I just realized something. The ending to -er verbs is emos."

and he starts kinda rambling on about it and I look just past Mason into the background of him, and I see Joe looking directly at me, listening in on the conversation, smiling and laughing...

The only thing I could think to do was smile right at him, meanwhile I'm fuckin embarrassed that I'm the center of attention...

BUT WAIT!
IT GETS WORSE!

So, I'm sitting there, feeling my face growing red while maintaining direct eye contact with Joe, When Austin (sits in front of me) turns around and says "hey, stephanie, why do you still have those lip rings in?"

And I'm just like "uuhh... cuz... I want to?" And then Mason says "haha, i bet i know how she got them pierced"

(And I"m thinking, didn't I tell him?)

But then he's like "Her boyfriend stuck his needle dick in her mouth"

aND i'M FUCKIN MORTIFIED!!

I felt like I wanted to scream!! Cuz Joe's still listening. All i could do was shout EW and I was just soooo embarrassed I was like hiding my face in my hands... but also laughing cuz it was kinda funny

so, as I'm sitting there, I realize, hey... Joe's noticing me! And I feel a little happy... and idk... though... sometimes I think i should just give up on the whole Joe cause.. I mean I've liked him ferr like... what 2 months?

And I"m too shy to tell him anything, and even if he did like me, i'm pretty sure he's too shy too. SO this will pretty much go nowhere, right?

But at the same time, I just can't. I like him too much to just.. give up..

Oh, I don't know... I only have 4 and a half weeks until school's out. So in four and a half weeks I'll make my decision to give up or not.

eheh... well.. err till next time, cya.

Weekend's Over

Okay, so the weekend's Over now... :( Not a whole lot happened. Oh! but on Friday, like half the 8th grade went on some Chicago trip so there was like 5 ppl in each class. It was AWESOME! and Joe wasn't there D: cuz he skipped. Cuz he's a doucher. Haha. Some other people skipped too. Like Chad and I only know that cuz he wasn't in Drafting and I saw him when I was walking home from school. But yeah, after school I read this book called The Outsiders... It made me cry like a little baby and I love that book!! Read It all in one day, thank ya vury much. Then again, that's not surprising for me. I spent the night at Cora's house that night, woke up in the morning. Five minutes later, Christina's telling me to come home cuz she's bored. Then today we painted our living room. Its now Orange instead of Green. Yay! And Christina's hair is black now (used to be blue) and my hair's pink (used to be blonde) and Catie's hair is Blonde with baby highlights of brown (Used to be brown with blonde in the bangs)... so yeah. I also drew this picture... it's reallyy cool and took me an hour and a half. In the picture, I'm sitting on a thrown with a crown on, Cora's wearing a tiara and wearing a frilly pink dress, Catie's in shining armor as a knight, and Christina is twirling a jester hat and she's wearing a lot of harlequin. I labeled it False Kingdom and I based it off of a drawing in the Manga Vampire Kisses: Blood Relatives. Sooo yeah. I also colored it and its suh-weet. Maybe I'll get a picture of it on here. :D But yeah, other than that my weekend was boring. . . so I'm going to bed now. Till next time, cya.