IDIOT!!

OMFG!! i'M SUCH A FUCKiNG iDiOT!! GAWD!!!

Okay, so here's what happened:

I was sitting next to Jimmy and with Michelle and Scott and crap for this Cinco De Mayo party in Spanish class yesterday and Alexis (meh friend) asks me if I want to switch seats with Kelly...

I look over to where Kelly is and all I really pay attention to is that she's not near any of my friends... Mainly cuz I'm near my friends..

So I decline the offer and continue the party... Now, where the idiocy kicks in

I look over to Kelly after I have my food n everythin (too late to switch) and guess who she's sitting across from?

JOE!

Of course, I feel like a friggin doucher!! How could I have been so stupid as to not have looked to see who Kelly was sitting by?! Goddammit!

Perfect opportunity *and ONLY opportunity* to talk to him, and I friggin miss it!! gooddddaaaammmmmmmiiiiiitttttt!!!!

And then today, something... embarrassing happened.

Okay, so there's this kid named Mason. He's kinda a perv but also pretty cool and he's popular. And he sits sorta in front but also sorta next to me in Spanish class.

And so he's like, "Hey, Stephanie, I just realized something. The ending to -er verbs is emos."

and he starts kinda rambling on about it and I look just past Mason into the background of him, and I see Joe looking directly at me, listening in on the conversation, smiling and laughing...

The only thing I could think to do was smile right at him, meanwhile I'm fuckin embarrassed that I'm the center of attention...

BUT WAIT!
IT GETS WORSE!

So, I'm sitting there, feeling my face growing red while maintaining direct eye contact with Joe, When Austin (sits in front of me) turns around and says "hey, stephanie, why do you still have those lip rings in?"

And I'm just like "uuhh... cuz... I want to?" And then Mason says "haha, i bet i know how she got them pierced"

(And I"m thinking, didn't I tell him?)

But then he's like "Her boyfriend stuck his needle dick in her mouth"

aND i'M FUCKIN MORTIFIED!!

I felt like I wanted to scream!! Cuz Joe's still listening. All i could do was shout EW and I was just soooo embarrassed I was like hiding my face in my hands... but also laughing cuz it was kinda funny

so, as I'm sitting there, I realize, hey... Joe's noticing me! And I feel a little happy... and idk... though... sometimes I think i should just give up on the whole Joe cause.. I mean I've liked him ferr like... what 2 months?

And I"m too shy to tell him anything, and even if he did like me, i'm pretty sure he's too shy too. SO this will pretty much go nowhere, right?

But at the same time, I just can't. I like him too much to just.. give up..

Oh, I don't know... I only have 4 and a half weeks until school's out. So in four and a half weeks I'll make my decision to give up or not.

eheh... well.. err till next time, cya.