News and Heartache

Well, I'll start with the news cuz the heartaches hard to deal with. 1) I got a new monitor so everythings brighter and more awesome! 2) I got this cool book of poetry and its pretty darn amazing.

Now for the heartache. So i told you about the whole Marcus/Ian/Guy I like/ Math thing, right? Yeah, well, it turns out Marcus is an even bigger doucher than i thought. So, Derek sits next to me in Spanish class, and he's like, so you like Joe? (derek's one of the ppl who overheard in Math) And I'm like, shut up. And he's like, "Cuz I'll go tell him if you want" And I'm like, Please Don't. And he's like, "Are you sure? Cuz he's just over there" and so he goes up to him, whispers something and comes back and he's like "I told him. And he seemed pretty disgusted." ONly, i knew he was joking cuz he was laughing. And I"m like, you're stupid. And he's like "fine, i really will go tell him then."
And so he goes up, comes back and says "I told him I knew who liked him and he said 'Lip-pierce girl'" and I still knew he was joking. Derek was the type that never admitted when he was joking. So he just kept telling me "He knows. He knows. I swear!"

And then in Math, Marcus is like, "Yeah, i told joe you liked him. I told him on Thursday after I found out. I told him 'I know who likes you' and he's like 'who?' and I said 'Stephanie' and he didn't say anything. Didn't even make a facial expression, but instead he turned around and went to his locker"

I contemplated Marcus's words for a few moments. And since he wasn't saying anything about it being a joke, I asked if he had any witnesses. He pointed to Ian (who is like my best guy friend) and I'm like "Ian, did you hear what happened?" And ian's like "Oh, well... uh... I saw them talking.. but i don't know what it was about."

And I was just ... I dunno. I was mad at Ian for not being able to tell me what happened. I was mad at Marcus-- Scratch that. I was FURIOUS at Marcus for telling! and I was scared and humiliated. I literally started crying cuz i didn't know if marcus was telling the truth or if it was some kind of cruel prank. And then I started thinking .. What if what Derek said was true? What if Joe sees me only as the 'Lip-pierce girl'? I was so certain that Joe liked me back. All the stolen glances and smiles... was I just being irrational? Or is Marcus and Derek playing a prank on me... ? Ian could tell I was mad and was good at keeping his distance for the rest of the day. I didn't even tell anybody about it. The only person that knows is Cora and thats cuz she could tell I'd been crying. Oh, and not only that, but that day we changed seats in Math. I don't sit by either Marcus nor Ian anymore.. Adn to tell the truth, I couldn't be happier! I'm still mad at them. I can't believe Marcus would betray me like that! We're not friends, but still, you do not play with a teenage girl's emotions like that!
Especially not a girl whose crossed the blade over her wrist one too many times. I suppose nows as good a time as any, to fess up and tell a secret. I'm a wrist-cutter. Have been since 6th grade. 2 years now i've been doing it and have the scars to prove it. I stopped for about 5 months until recently. Well... recently, things haven't been going too well. Hm. Well, till next time, I suppose, Cya.